What’s the Deal with Casual Relationships in Our 20s and 30s?

In my work as a mental health counselor, I often hear young adults in their 20s and 30s ask the same questions: “Why does it feel like no one wants to commit?” and “Are relationships today just about convenience?”

It’s a common concern—and it speaks to the cultural, psychological, and relational shifts happening in how people approach love and connection. Let’s explore what’s behind the rise of casual relationships and the challenges around commitment in today’s world.

1. Cultural Shifts and Changing Timelines – Compared to past generations, people are marrying later, focusing on careers, education, and personal growth before settling down. This extended timeline creates more space for casual dating and situationships. The priority isn’t always long-term commitment—it’s often self-discovery, independence, and flexibility.
2. The Influence of Technology – Dating apps and social media have changed the landscape of relationships. With endless options at your fingertips, it’s easy to believe there might always be “someone better” just a swipe away. While this increases possibilities, it can also make committing to one person feel riskier.
3. Fear of Vulnerability – True commitment requires emotional risk—allowing someone to see your flaws, fears, and insecurities. For many, casual relationships feel safer. They offer connection without the deeper vulnerability that comes with long-term commitment.
4. Past Relationship Wounds – Many young adults carry unresolved pain from family dynamics, divorce, or previous breakups. These experiences can make intimacy feel threatening, leading people to avoid commitment as a way to protect themselves from potential heartbreak.
5. Redefining What Commitment Means – Commitment doesn’t always look the same for everyone anymore. Some people want traditional marriage, while others value long-term partnerships without legal ties. Some prioritize emotional connection but not exclusivity. The challenge often comes when two people define “commitment” differently but assume they’re on the same page.
6. The Rise of Independence – Many individuals in their 20s and 30s are deeply invested in building independence—financial stability, career success, and personal identity. Commitment can sometimes feel like a threat to that independence, when in reality, healthy relationships should enhance—not diminish—personal growth.
7. The Desire for Both Freedom and Connection – We live in a culture that celebrates autonomy and exploration. But at the same time, we are wired for deep connection and belonging. This tension often plays out as people seeking closeness but pulling back when relationships require sacrifice, compromise, or permanence.

Casual relationships in your 20s and 30s aren’t necessarily “bad.” They can offer opportunities to learn about yourself, explore compatibility, and practice communication. The challenge arises when one person is seeking commitment and the other isn’t—or when casual dating becomes a shield against intimacy and vulnerability.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated with the lack of commitment in modern dating, it may be helpful to pause and reflect: What does commitment mean to me? Am I ready for it? Am I choosing partners who want the same things?

As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with individuals navigating love, intimacy, and modern relationships. Commitment is possible—but it often requires clarity, courage, and a willingness to be vulnerable.

By Dr. Lisa Reiss, Licensed Mental Health Counselor